Selfish

I have spent the majority of my life waiting for the next big thing. I constantly find myself asking God for more. I'd like a different car or a vacation. One thing I begged for more than anything was a child. It's hard on ones spirits to be infertile. Now I know other women have infertility issues worse than mine, and they are in my constant thoughts and prayers. There are a range of emotions you go through when finding out you are infertile. You blame yourself, and hate yourself for not being able to do the one thing you are supposed to do. I begged God to answer my prayers and he did, but not in the way I would have planned. And even after I found myself asking and wishing for more. Why? Because I am selfish.
I am an incredibly selfish person. I want things, I want my time. I am trying to fix this. Each day is a gift from God and the opportunity to spread more love and happiness. Instead of focusing on what I want, I need to focus on how I can help others and caring for my family. My God and those around me are the most important things and my reason for existing. Do I want more things in life... Absolutely, but they will happen in due time as God sees fit. Right now I need to focus on being the very best Christian, mother, wife, daughter and friend I can be.

God Bless!

Nine Months Already!.... And In Other News

Say What!!! Our tiny little micro preemie is now 9 months old and growing like a weed! Jason is sitting up all on his own and beginning to really take an interest in crawling. He can not crawl yet, but he gets on all fours and rocks back and forth. He is also really wanting to stand more and more now.

Halloween and then some...

Well it has been another crazy month in the Price household! We dedicated our child to Jesus in the midst of our family, which was an amazing moment for us! Jason is our little miracle baby so I continually want to thank god for him! Speaking of little miracle babies, the kid has finally slowed down on growing! Thank god! I don't think I could afford to keep buying new clothes every other month! We had our check up with Children's Mercy and they are very pleased with his progress. He is 17 pounds and 27 inches long! He had huge feet too, not sure where he go that from (it could be his size 12 mother lol!) He is rolling over a lot now! He is also enjoying tummy time a lot more now! I ace'd my second masters class and am now in my fourth week of my 3rd and 4th class. Next October I will be done with my masters and officially done with school! Here are some pictures! Much Love From The Prices!

Update!

Well I'm  a very bad mommy! I haven't posted in three months! Life for the Price three is pretty normal. Hubby and I both switched positions within our jobs, and are loving it! Jason is 17 pounds of per cuteness! I swear every day this kid learns something new! He has started laughing more, and he is trying so hard to sit up! He also loves to stand  and is working on crawling! It's so hard to believe that tiny little 3 pound baby is now six months old and growing so dang fast :( He refuses to slow down. I've added some pictures! I promise to post more soon!

Understanding The Plan

My friend Diana, posted this on my wall today. Some how I think it ties in nicely with the blog I wanted to post today.

How Preemie Moms Are Chosen~*~ 
(Erma Bombeck)

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She has just the right amount of selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see-- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice-- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."


When I first got sick I felt so much anger and resentment towards God. Why did this happen to me, what did I do to deserve this. I had a full time job, a family and things I needed to take care of. I didn't have time to lay in a hospital bed and sleep all day. For anyone who truly knows me, I am a go getter and I do not take kindly to resting. I argued with my Dr. when he first admitted me. I told him I would only be in the hospital a few days, and then go back to work. Well that obviously wasn't the case.
When we found out on April 2nd, that Jason was going to be born that day, I just remember this calm feeling surrounding me. Was it scary, INCREDIBLY!! Somehow I knew that God was there beside me and was going to take care of my precious baby boy. I prayed the entire time on the operating table, begging God to just let Jason cry. If he cried, then I knew everything was going to be okay. Jason came out screaming his head off. My prayers had been answered.
The next day in the NICU, when I finally got to go up and see Jason, I found myself angry again. Why did my sweet little baby have to suffer? Why was I only allowed to hold him for an hour every day? Why couldn't I take my baby home? I was surrounded in Mother and Baby, by all these happy mommy's taking their babies home and here I was, only getting to hold mine for an hour a day. Then I met a mom who had been in the NICU for 3 months waiting for her little boy to come home. He was two weeks earlier than Jason, but had a whole different set of problems. I began talking with other NICU parents, some who still hadn't been able to hold their tiny little bundles of joy. I felt like such a horrible human being. Here I was crying about only getting to hold my child an hour, even thought he was doing amazing, and these poor parents hadn't even gotten to hold their babies. I came to the realization that God had given me the most precious gift. An hour a day stunk, but at least it was an hour with my precious baby. 
I thanked God the day we came home, I was so grateful for him giving me a little fighter. Panic set in a few weeks after though. How was I going to be able to leave my beautiful baby. Why did I have to go to work when so many others didn't. I found myself angry again saying, I don't want to leave my baby and we will just have to cut back. I absolutely love my job! I was lucky enough to have twelve weeks off with my precious baby, and that in itself is a gift. God showed me that I need to continue life almost as it was before Jason was here. I still need to pay all my bills, go to work, and then when I come home, I have this ornery little guy to hang out with. I can continue working a job I love and still be Jason's mommy. I was blessed enough to have twelve weeks off and be able to be with Jason full time immediately after he was born. The doctors believe Jason's health is contributed to two things: Him being a fighter, and the fact I stayed home so long with him. We were able to inspire each other and fight for each other. Going back to work isn't a scary thing, its a good thing. Yes it's going to break my heart being away from the munchkin the first few days, but I have excellent care for him. I have a baby yes, and I am going back to work, but that doesn't mean I won't continue to be Jason's mommy and give him the love and care he needs. I'm stronger than I think I am, and more willing to go the distance for this little guy. I want him to have everything I didn't have in life, but most of all I want him to believe in God, and be inspired by his creator. Thank you God for laying out your plan. I may have had plans of my own, but yours are by far greater.

Two Months Already

Hard to believe Jason is two months old already! And what a crazy month it has been. Before we left the hospital, Jason had a head ultrasound, and it showed he had two grade 1 brain bleeds. They wanted to do an MRI after he was two months old and see if the bleeding had caused any permanent brain damage. We had the MRI last Monday, and Jason was not a big fan of it. Luckily the test only lasted about an hour and when he came back out, we was very excited to see his mommy and daddy. We went and saw the NICU doctor Thursday, to get the results of the MRI. Dr. Hubbard was the DR. we saw. She was shocked to see how big Jason had gotten. She smiled at him and said what happened to that little tiny 3 pound baby I admitted. Jason is just under 20 inches long and is almost nine pounds! They are so happy with his weight gain and his reflexes. Dr. Hubbard told us that the MRI results came back and Jason had no damage! Our baby is perfectly healthy! Dr. Hubbard officially dismissed Jason, and said that unless Dr. Grimaldi, his regular pediatrician recommended it, we didn't need to come back. We are so excited to have such a happy healthy baby boy!
Jason has been growing like a weed! We finally put away his preemie clothes shortly after he turned a month old. Yesterday we retired his newborn clothes! Or little baby is finally starting to catch up in size! We went to Clearwater last weekend and visited Jason's Great Aunt and Uncle, his cousins and his Great Grandma Sandy! We had such a good time! Jason also learned how to smile and coo over the weekend! He is getting so big so fast! I return to work in two weeks, so I plan on spending every second I can with my little man. He truly has his Mama wrapped around his finger!

First Month And Oh What An Adventure It Has Been!

Jason is a month old today! Pretty unbelievable! He is growing so fast and changing so much every day. It's been a few weeks since I have blogged so I am behind on some of the big news! WE ARE HOME!!! Yup it's official Jason came home on April 22nd, which was my dad's birthday! The 20th, I was up in the nicu feeding him at 2:30 in the morning. The nurse came in to tell me that some of my neighbors were out in the waiting room (they were having a grand baby in the same hospital!) and so I went out to talk with them. Before I left Jason, I wrapped him up real tightly, because he loves to pull out his ng tube. Well I came back in from talking to them, and Jason had managed to unwrap himself and pull out his tube. The nurse decided that we would wait to put the tube back in. Unless he absolutely needed it, we would rather have him take all his feedings by mouth. Josh and I left the hospital around six, because we were headed to my moms for my baby shower. We received so many amazing and wonderful gifts! The shower was a blast and I am so thankful for everyone that came. I left my mom's around two and called the hospital to check on him. They said as long as Jason continued to eat like a champion we were going home on Monday. I asked the nurse three times to repeat what she had said because I was in absolute shock! We were told when he was born we would be lucky to make it home by mothers day. My little man had different plans and on the 22nd we exited the hospital and headed home!

We absolutely love being home! Jason sleeps in the bassinet right next to our bed and so far he is letting me sleep around three to four hours before he wakes up and wants to eat. I am off for the next eight weeks and we are just enjoying our time as a family. There truly is no place like home! Here are some of Jason's 1 month pics I took! :)