How Preemie Moms Are Chosen~*~
(Erma Bombeck)
Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."
"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She has just the right amount of selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see-- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice-- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."
When I first got sick I felt so much anger and resentment towards God. Why did this happen to me, what did I do to deserve this. I had a full time job, a family and things I needed to take care of. I didn't have time to lay in a hospital bed and sleep all day. For anyone who truly knows me, I am a go getter and I do not take kindly to resting. I argued with my Dr. when he first admitted me. I told him I would only be in the hospital a few days, and then go back to work. Well that obviously wasn't the case.
When we found out on April 2nd, that Jason was going to be born that day, I just remember this calm feeling surrounding me. Was it scary, INCREDIBLY!! Somehow I knew that God was there beside me and was going to take care of my precious baby boy. I prayed the entire time on the operating table, begging God to just let Jason cry. If he cried, then I knew everything was going to be okay. Jason came out screaming his head off. My prayers had been answered.
The next day in the NICU, when I finally got to go up and see Jason, I found myself angry again. Why did my sweet little baby have to suffer? Why was I only allowed to hold him for an hour every day? Why couldn't I take my baby home? I was surrounded in Mother and Baby, by all these happy mommy's taking their babies home and here I was, only getting to hold mine for an hour a day. Then I met a mom who had been in the NICU for 3 months waiting for her little boy to come home. He was two weeks earlier than Jason, but had a whole different set of problems. I began talking with other NICU parents, some who still hadn't been able to hold their tiny little bundles of joy. I felt like such a horrible human being. Here I was crying about only getting to hold my child an hour, even thought he was doing amazing, and these poor parents hadn't even gotten to hold their babies. I came to the realization that God had given me the most precious gift. An hour a day stunk, but at least it was an hour with my precious baby.
I thanked God the day we came home, I was so grateful for him giving me a little fighter. Panic set in a few weeks after though. How was I going to be able to leave my beautiful baby. Why did I have to go to work when so many others didn't. I found myself angry again saying, I don't want to leave my baby and we will just have to cut back. I absolutely love my job! I was lucky enough to have twelve weeks off with my precious baby, and that in itself is a gift. God showed me that I need to continue life almost as it was before Jason was here. I still need to pay all my bills, go to work, and then when I come home, I have this ornery little guy to hang out with. I can continue working a job I love and still be Jason's mommy. I was blessed enough to have twelve weeks off and be able to be with Jason full time immediately after he was born. The doctors believe Jason's health is contributed to two things: Him being a fighter, and the fact I stayed home so long with him. We were able to inspire each other and fight for each other. Going back to work isn't a scary thing, its a good thing. Yes it's going to break my heart being away from the munchkin the first few days, but I have excellent care for him. I have a baby yes, and I am going back to work, but that doesn't mean I won't continue to be Jason's mommy and give him the love and care he needs. I'm stronger than I think I am, and more willing to go the distance for this little guy. I want him to have everything I didn't have in life, but most of all I want him to believe in God, and be inspired by his creator. Thank you God for laying out your plan. I may have had plans of my own, but yours are by far greater.
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