Well goodness, it has been awhile since I posted an update! Jason is growing so fast, and filling my every waking moment with happiness. He is still very stubborn in regards to talking, but we are working on sign language and encouraging him to talk. He is just under 3ft and weights 28 pounds now! I can't believe how fast he has grown!! For having such a rough start to live, I do declare him absolutely perfect :)
However.... that still doesn't stop the comments and the glances. My son does not speak. Does that break my heart, well yes it does. I'm dying to hear what the kid has to say, what he sounds like. We are working on his speech, with a therapist and are slowly but surely seeing progress. Does this mean something is wrong with my son? Well on that front, I have no freaking clue. Jason does have some repetitive behavior that we have written off as curiosity, and maybe it is maybe it isn't. If we redirect him, he seems to do fine and enjoys playing. He plays great at daycare and enjoys being outside and just exploring everything.
The point is, if there is something wrong with our son, it really doesn't bother us. I could have known in the womb that something was going to be seriously wrong with him, and I still would have chosen to keep him. We will continue, as we always have to seek the best for our son. No matter what he is our little man and regardless, he is perfect to us. We are so blessed to have so many amazing and caring people in our lives. You shape my sons world :)
Friday, May 22, 2015
Mourning an Idea
As I'm bustling around the house last night, packing for our weekend away, I happened to glance at the calender. Sunday is May 24th.... why is this day important? I stared at it for a few minutes wondering what was the significance of this day and then it hit me. May 24th was my due date, we should be celebrating Jason's 2nd birthday this weekend. It's amazing how even after two years, a flood of emotions and regrets coming surging forward.
Honestly, I would change a thing about our lives, but you can't help but be wistful about things. I wasn't pregnant at my baby shower, I never had maternity photos taken. I never got to have that amazing experience of you child laying on your chest and enjoying the moment of pure joy it brings. What I had was very different. Instead of being able to enjoy the birth of my child, I do hope enjoy is the right word, I was filled with panic and dread. I remember laying there, praying to god that Jason would cry, that's all I wanted was to hear him cry. Our baby shower was filled with people who weren't quite sure what to say (I LOVE YOU ALL BY THE WAY) and a very anxious mother who kept looking at her phone, asking if it was time to leave yet. I fiddled with the NICU bracelet on my wrist more times than I could count, and called the NICU at least three times to check on my tiny little man.
My son is a fighter, he is my miracle and I wouldn't change anything about him. However I can't help but mourn an idea. You go into motherhood with an idea. I am a planner, so I planned everything down to a t. I had everything laid out, plans and then boom all that changes. You can't help but mourn an idea, a thought, a process. We all expect things to go one way, and when they don't we are filled with emotions, negative, positive, sad, angry, all the above. We mourn an idea. So while my son is over two, I think May 24th will always hold a special place in my heart. It's my idea, my date :)
Honestly, I would change a thing about our lives, but you can't help but be wistful about things. I wasn't pregnant at my baby shower, I never had maternity photos taken. I never got to have that amazing experience of you child laying on your chest and enjoying the moment of pure joy it brings. What I had was very different. Instead of being able to enjoy the birth of my child, I do hope enjoy is the right word, I was filled with panic and dread. I remember laying there, praying to god that Jason would cry, that's all I wanted was to hear him cry. Our baby shower was filled with people who weren't quite sure what to say (I LOVE YOU ALL BY THE WAY) and a very anxious mother who kept looking at her phone, asking if it was time to leave yet. I fiddled with the NICU bracelet on my wrist more times than I could count, and called the NICU at least three times to check on my tiny little man.
My son is a fighter, he is my miracle and I wouldn't change anything about him. However I can't help but mourn an idea. You go into motherhood with an idea. I am a planner, so I planned everything down to a t. I had everything laid out, plans and then boom all that changes. You can't help but mourn an idea, a thought, a process. We all expect things to go one way, and when they don't we are filled with emotions, negative, positive, sad, angry, all the above. We mourn an idea. So while my son is over two, I think May 24th will always hold a special place in my heart. It's my idea, my date :)
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